I must feel tired

after 5 weeks of o.b. rotation, i have gone through 4 sub-rotations. i don't even know what is this i am feeling, this must be exhaustion. it's hard to explain. you are tired, yet looking forward to your next duty, maybe looking forward for the suffering to end. you don't want to get up anymore and go to work but you feel your body getting ready every 3rd day and you push yourself to the limit early at dawn when the lactic acid builds up in your gastrocs. sigh... what have i gone through so far?

the good (?) :

l.r. pay - rest time. taking care of patients who feel they are the gift of god to earth. get me a bedpan. call my relative. give this to my relative. get me tissue. it's hot. where's my doctor? when can i go to my room. i was so lucky i did not encounter this patient who was a private patient but had an attitude from a squatters area who gave a big shout-rant out in the hallway that we (us and the staff) were not feeding her. up her ass. how much is she!?

o.r. - standing all day all night. drinking a shot of alcohol before anesthesia referrals are accepted (yeah!). begging for double tables. hehehe i think i have a love/hate relationship with this subrotation.

the bad :

i.e. room/o.b.-e.r. - this is where we receive patients. and for a lot of times, you are alone when a patient first comes in. you get all kinds of people, and this is the place where you patience will get tested. your voice cracks by the end of your duty. "bawal ang bantay dito!" "bawal ang bantay!!!" at one point there was a relative who was mumbling things deliberately annoying me... "magsilayas kayong lahat!" shouted me. i didn't know i had it in me. i didn't care anymore, i just wanted those pesky relatives out of my sight. this is the place where i had a run in with a nurse. that's another story...

l.r. charity - there are times when you will be left alone to tend to more than 10 patients, most are on-labor, mothers who can give birth any minute, the others, toxic pregnant patients or toxic gynecology patients. you are the intensivist and ob-gyn at the same time... no time to rest, must check the fetal heart tones of each laboring mother.

worse :

i.e. room reloaded - sandy got "evicted" because of her "toxicity" she does not believe so. i don't believe too. we all have our down time and toxic time. well, alas... i volunteered to replace her. wrong move. i got battered from hair tips to toes... battered pretty bad. i had a moment that i want to go home. at one time, more than 5 bleeding patients and 4 pregnant came at the same time all wanting to be seen because it was an "emergency." message to pregnant patients... pleeeease you have nine months to prepare! why can't you even spare a few bucks a day of that nine months so you won't be trying to convince me you don't have work etc.. THEN DON'T GET PREGNANT PLEASE! if you don't have money... be a responsible adult and don't get pregnant!