bothered

it has been ages since i have had any effortful output here. i feel the need to see things i've been thinking written, to remind me... albeit they all be in abstract.

i'm being nagged for quite sometime of some things that i've thought i'm so over with. apparently, i'm just being kept busy of everyday tasks i have to do.

i have been pondering whether to jump in the pool. i don't know if it's icy, lukewarm, or hot. whatever, it is, i keep telling "me" to give life one more chance. i've been numbed, that's for sure... and i'm not sure if my defenses will be down enough to let "it" happen. sigh... these are stupid problems as the just recently "me" would think, but a few days have changed "me," i think.

a big sigh ends this, as of this night i have decided that this will be it (may God allow it) or i pray i just be left "be".

-lz

addendum :
i understand we live a life "we" ourselves complicate. i accept everything life throws at me. i hope i will know everything i need to make a decision.

funny...

i prayed for two things during the annual la naval. and... i think one is already being answered (my God! help me) i'm thinking i should have been serious in thinking about it a second time before asking my lady for it... now... IM getting it. bleh... (i do hope the second follows through... definitely)...