isn't she like BUTTAH!?
Friday, June 25, 2004
['pal-pa"tion]
the day has been funny and quite amusing for me, i woke up 2 a.m. "tried" to read to where i can go and then left for school 5:30 a.m.
starting the day inside a room called "heart house," it seems to me that the room was very inappropriately named, for it was in my vision that a room called as such would be a room where compassion abounds, well... rather later, i discovered it was but "passion" than the former hehehehe
the room looked like the private theatre of a well-off businessman. walls covered in cloth-covered cushion with patterns similar to those of heavy curtains in palaces. carvings ornamented the finials above pillars, walls can be retracted to reveal hidden video screens, whiteboards, and other learning materials. seats firm and noticeably new! and you can even say those seats can outrank and maybe compete with all pride with my country's best movie theatres. well.... it was in this room that i was.... touched....
ahhehehe pardon to the people who touched me :-) i feel just hmmm shall we say "amused" by my experience.
had i known being a male medical student was like hanging a tag on my neck "please touch me" hahahahaha i would have done this dieting before i went into medschool. i would have even lived in the gym so as to not disappoint my ehem "worshipers" hahahahaha
well... poked under the nipple ahahahahaha (no offense meant) well i felt embarassed by the stretch marks i bear which form even more complex river deltas than the amazon... urgh i tried not to think about it really. so there, i even experienced having my BP taken from both arms at the same time! well... i am just flattered that when the doctor said find a partner, most of the girls looked my way and smiled hahahahaha (rather concieted, pardon to my readers) i just think they trust me, hehehe hope so
so to continue.... on we went to the wards, where i again... laid in bed to be touched, i could have started to sing "she touched me" here and there, everywhere! hahaha not quite but then someone just said tht the residents were asking us why are we staying there so long? and had we not known that it was a TB ward!? so that ended my dreams hehehehe and now i write these here sleepingly in almost the time to change the day thinking when will i have to be touched again (i must prepare) hekhekhekhekhek
starting the day inside a room called "heart house," it seems to me that the room was very inappropriately named, for it was in my vision that a room called as such would be a room where compassion abounds, well... rather later, i discovered it was but "passion" than the former hehehehe
the room looked like the private theatre of a well-off businessman. walls covered in cloth-covered cushion with patterns similar to those of heavy curtains in palaces. carvings ornamented the finials above pillars, walls can be retracted to reveal hidden video screens, whiteboards, and other learning materials. seats firm and noticeably new! and you can even say those seats can outrank and maybe compete with all pride with my country's best movie theatres. well.... it was in this room that i was.... touched....
ahhehehe pardon to the people who touched me :-) i feel just hmmm shall we say "amused" by my experience.
had i known being a male medical student was like hanging a tag on my neck "please touch me" hahahahaha i would have done this dieting before i went into medschool. i would have even lived in the gym so as to not disappoint my ehem "worshipers" hahahahaha
well... poked under the nipple ahahahahaha (no offense meant) well i felt embarassed by the stretch marks i bear which form even more complex river deltas than the amazon... urgh i tried not to think about it really. so there, i even experienced having my BP taken from both arms at the same time! well... i am just flattered that when the doctor said find a partner, most of the girls looked my way and smiled hahahahaha (rather concieted, pardon to my readers) i just think they trust me, hehehe hope so
so to continue.... on we went to the wards, where i again... laid in bed to be touched, i could have started to sing "she touched me" here and there, everywhere! hahaha not quite but then someone just said tht the residents were asking us why are we staying there so long? and had we not known that it was a TB ward!? so that ended my dreams hehehehe and now i write these here sleepingly in almost the time to change the day thinking when will i have to be touched again (i must prepare) hekhekhekhekhek
Sunday, June 20, 2004
la douleur est bonne
pain is something no one really wants to feel. who’d say they do? well… maybe masochists, but then again, i consider myself a masochist. up to a point maybe.
there are a lot of kinds of pain, a medical student would say, there is somatic pain, visceral pain, oh g’damn’it! (i never can get rid of medicine i realize now), ask a psychologist and he’d say emotional pain, psychosomatic pain etcetera etcetera etcetera…
i cannot say i am happy god gave me not one but several kinds of pain to enjoy to realize my humanity, but i do appreciate it, i accept it. it is often difficult to thank him for it, i always remember one story… a story our rector from highschool never tires telling as i remember. for saint therese all sacrifices were offered for others “lord, let this small sacrifice be for the souls in purgatory..” she would often say. but i try to. i thank him for my pains.
emotional pain, mental scourge, they come and go and often lingers, especially for people of my clique, the seemingly cursed medical students who lives day to day with all woeful mental torture that i seriously believe adds up to our mounting madness. but i accept it…
pain came rushing in like those boys that died on omaha beach during d-day, this time, it is physical, spreading through me like infantry triggering mines my long time malady set. i endure it like those poor german perhaps, knowing my defeat imminent, yet never surrendering.
… i’ll never forget this moment, i know i can use it many times in the future to put myself into perspective especially for my patients (if i live up to that)… and i’ll never allow those who i know suffer to continue to suffer… not unlike people i feel are doing to me… people who i expect would come running and soothe me… “father god in heaven, let all my pains be for the people who are suffering more than me, give them peace, give them your everlasting soothing spirit of love, never let them loose their courage to face their difficulties.” never… --lz
there are a lot of kinds of pain, a medical student would say, there is somatic pain, visceral pain, oh g’damn’it! (i never can get rid of medicine i realize now), ask a psychologist and he’d say emotional pain, psychosomatic pain etcetera etcetera etcetera…
i cannot say i am happy god gave me not one but several kinds of pain to enjoy to realize my humanity, but i do appreciate it, i accept it. it is often difficult to thank him for it, i always remember one story… a story our rector from highschool never tires telling as i remember. for saint therese all sacrifices were offered for others “lord, let this small sacrifice be for the souls in purgatory..” she would often say. but i try to. i thank him for my pains.
emotional pain, mental scourge, they come and go and often lingers, especially for people of my clique, the seemingly cursed medical students who lives day to day with all woeful mental torture that i seriously believe adds up to our mounting madness. but i accept it…
pain came rushing in like those boys that died on omaha beach during d-day, this time, it is physical, spreading through me like infantry triggering mines my long time malady set. i endure it like those poor german perhaps, knowing my defeat imminent, yet never surrendering.
… i’ll never forget this moment, i know i can use it many times in the future to put myself into perspective especially for my patients (if i live up to that)… and i’ll never allow those who i know suffer to continue to suffer… not unlike people i feel are doing to me… people who i expect would come running and soothe me… “father god in heaven, let all my pains be for the people who are suffering more than me, give them peace, give them your everlasting soothing spirit of love, never let them loose their courage to face their difficulties.” never… --lz
Saturday, June 12, 2004
wake up call
i admit i have been always trusting, sometimes to fault. i cannot say i don’t deserve to be disappointed, because as a matter of fact, i feel i do. i trusted too much. in fact again, may i correct myself with… i really just ‘trust’ too much, even until now.
hmmm… people i guess (even those who are genuinely good) sometimes subconsciously take advantage of others. they may not know it, god bless them, but they do. they do. i felt taken advantage of actually (please depart from the ishtar thoughts), and what i can’t understand is why i always try to justify what others are doing to me! imagine feeling deceived and then letting yourself still be exploited. what am i doing?
i hope i can resolve this. i must just try, for i know i can be unpleasant… really… and some people just don’t know it by hearsay, they’ve experienced it. it is sad that sometimes i have to resort to those kinds of things but sometimes it is called by the situation.
hmmm… people i guess (even those who are genuinely good) sometimes subconsciously take advantage of others. they may not know it, god bless them, but they do. they do. i felt taken advantage of actually (please depart from the ishtar thoughts), and what i can’t understand is why i always try to justify what others are doing to me! imagine feeling deceived and then letting yourself still be exploited. what am i doing?
i hope i can resolve this. i must just try, for i know i can be unpleasant… really… and some people just don’t know it by hearsay, they’ve experienced it. it is sad that sometimes i have to resort to those kinds of things but sometimes it is called by the situation.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Part I : Memories of a Year Past
(March 2003) Last school year was probably the most stressful school year I have ever been through. To start, I did not even enjoy pre-graduation nor graduation periods because of the seemingly hasty occurrence of… well… everything! After that, I got little time to relax during the holy week and then the “very” fast paced life once again of a tourist-vacationer beset me during our trip to the U.S. (continued below \/)
to make a looong story short, we drove for 2 days to all the way to florida (we came from New Jersey of course) and stayed there for a good week (I think??). the most satisfying experience for me though was finally seeing the Smithsonian Institution! It�s a scientist�s fantasy of course. And the National Museum of Natural History (Part of the Smithsonian which is actually a collection of buildings along The Mall) is probably a biologist�s mecca! All my enjoyment ended of course upon our return to good damned �ol Islas Felipinas. My paternal grandma died (which prompted my mom to go home earlier than us), and worse, I have to start medschool hehehehe. Actually at that time I did not really feel that way, it is just now reminiscing that I realize that I should have forseen the suffering I was about the face. (The dark side of the force must have been clouding my senses) On my next blog I�ll talk about medschool�s first quarter. May all of my readers be blessed by the godess with everlasting fertility.
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