I have been sanctified! My arrival to a2 has been blessed with two wonderful meals already, one at Dad's-Saisaki at Glorietta a few weeks ago and last night at Napoli's Timog :-) and they have been wonderful experiences. Thank you to the wonderful people of a2 :-) 

Me and my subsectionmates at Fontana Leisure Parks a week ago. :-) Its a blessing to be away from the drag of medlife

Through the intercession of our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary La Naval de Manila, Protrectress of the Philippines and Asia, I passed Parasitology!!!! Thank you Mama Mary :-)  

looking back at the pictures i have posted here in my blogpage, i noticed something... i have always posted pictures of people (people, people who need people... (what is it with me and songs lateley? hehehehe) ...are the luckiest people in the world...) people keep us going, people give us hope (or take them sometimes for that matter) but it is all about people and loving them isnt it? ... im not here in this picture even if the 6th person in this picture only is a heart he may be a whole person (kaya lang super hyperthropied nga lang hehehe laki ng puso no!?) these are my classmates... this may be something like what MAY happen in the future ... just them... no me... so MAGSIPAG KA PA LORD ZAGATO! put up a good fight! 

oh tell me.... where is it written what it is im meant to be?... (a line from "a piece of sky"). i just finished reading a little book "tuesdays with morrie," this really gave me hope on life... i mean what is failure really?? failure is giving up so im not giving up even if i know ill lose in the end, at least i died with dignity... to marge my little princess and to tina godess of all virginities (hehehehe, kaya ko pang magjoke) thanks for everything up to now... sana makakita ako ng magtiyatiyaga sa akin katulad ng ginawa niyo hehehe 

a lot has happened since i posted something here, for one, prelims has already passed by, and for another i felt i have accepted the death i am to face in the not so distant future.... i am pictured here during our cat exploratory laparotomy. the cat was not supposed to die or else our grade will get asphxiated with the cat's nine lives :-) i notice i manage a meager smile 

with the Chairman of the St. Luke's Emergency Department. i had a fruitful two days at the st. luke's hospital sponsored STAT-MED seminar, topics were everything related to emergency medicine. i think i even convinced myself i want to be a forensic doctor cum lawyer-geneticist hahahahaha! well... we'll see... most of the speakers kept me awake especially the ones on today, there were also workshops aside from the talks, and i think my most enlightening experience was being informed of the current status of emergency medicine and our capabilities to respond to emergencies especially mass trauma and maybe terrorist attacks here in the Philippines. you will be surprised that we have a lot of organizations that are active in planning, promoting, and implementing such disaster plans. i do hope we never come to a point we'd have to activate them, although that is an impossibility in our country... 

with the Philippine Authority on Forensic Medicine Dr. Fortun 

with Mr. Arnold Clavio 

My New Subsection :-) 

Our Great Facilitator Dr. Fernandez accompanied us for a visit of the UST Clinical Division O.R. Of course we had to wear scrubs, everything was soooo clean hehehe. I remember being so happy the other week when former dean Dr. Tan-Alora complimented me during our practical exams. I never thought "I thought that was good (smiles)" would sound SOOOOO HEAVENLY!

isn't she like BUTTAH!? 

we visited plm today it was wonderful to see everybody again 

 

['pal-pa"tion]

the day has been funny and quite amusing for me, i woke up 2 a.m. "tried" to read to where i can go and then left for school 5:30 a.m.

starting the day inside a room called "heart house," it seems to me that the room was very inappropriately named, for it was in my vision that a room called as such would be a room where compassion abounds, well... rather later, i discovered it was but "passion" than the former hehehehe

the room looked like the private theatre of a well-off businessman. walls covered in cloth-covered cushion with patterns similar to those of heavy curtains in palaces. carvings ornamented the finials above pillars, walls can be retracted to reveal hidden video screens, whiteboards, and other learning materials. seats firm and noticeably new! and you can even say those seats can outrank and maybe compete with all pride with my country's best movie theatres. well.... it was in this room that i was.... touched....

ahhehehe pardon to the people who touched me :-) i feel just hmmm shall we say "amused" by my experience.

had i known being a male medical student was like hanging a tag on my neck "please touch me" hahahahaha i would have done this dieting before i went into medschool. i would have even lived in the gym so as to not disappoint my ehem "worshipers" hahahahaha

well... poked under the nipple ahahahahaha (no offense meant) well i felt embarassed by the stretch marks i bear which form even more complex river deltas than the amazon... urgh i tried not to think about it really. so there, i even experienced having my BP taken from both arms at the same time! well... i am just flattered that when the doctor said find a partner, most of the girls looked my way and smiled hahahahaha (rather concieted, pardon to my readers) i just think they trust me, hehehe hope so

so to continue.... on we went to the wards, where i again... laid in bed to be touched, i could have started to sing "she touched me" here and there, everywhere! hahaha not quite but then someone just said tht the residents were asking us why are we staying there so long? and had we not known that it was a TB ward!? so that ended my dreams hehehehe and now i write these here sleepingly in almost the time to change the day thinking when will i have to be touched again (i must prepare) hekhekhekhekhek

la douleur est bonne

pain is something no one really wants to feel. who’d say they do? well… maybe masochists, but then again, i consider myself a masochist. up to a point maybe.

there are a lot of kinds of pain, a medical student would say, there is somatic pain, visceral pain, oh g’damn’it! (i never can get rid of medicine i realize now), ask a psychologist and he’d say emotional pain, psychosomatic pain etcetera etcetera etcetera…

i cannot say i am happy god gave me not one but several kinds of pain to enjoy to realize my humanity, but i do appreciate it, i accept it. it is often difficult to thank him for it, i always remember one story… a story our rector from highschool never tires telling as i remember. for saint therese all sacrifices were offered for others “lord, let this small sacrifice be for the souls in purgatory..” she would often say. but i try to. i thank him for my pains.

emotional pain, mental scourge, they come and go and often lingers, especially for people of my clique, the seemingly cursed medical students who lives day to day with all woeful mental torture that i seriously believe adds up to our mounting madness. but i accept it…

pain came rushing in like those boys that died on omaha beach during d-day, this time, it is physical, spreading through me like infantry triggering mines my long time malady set. i endure it like those poor german perhaps, knowing my defeat imminent, yet never surrendering.

… i’ll never forget this moment, i know i can use it many times in the future to put myself into perspective especially for my patients (if i live up to that)… and i’ll never allow those who i know suffer to continue to suffer… not unlike people i feel are doing to me… people who i expect would come running and soothe me… “father god in heaven, let all my pains be for the people who are suffering more than me, give them peace, give them your everlasting soothing spirit of love, never let them loose their courage to face their difficulties.” never… --lz

wake up call

i admit i have been always trusting, sometimes to fault. i cannot say i don’t deserve to be disappointed, because as a matter of fact, i feel i do. i trusted too much. in fact again, may i correct myself with… i really just ‘trust’ too much, even until now.

hmmm… people i guess (even those who are genuinely good) sometimes subconsciously take advantage of others. they may not know it, god bless them, but they do. they do. i felt taken advantage of actually (please depart from the ishtar thoughts), and what i can’t understand is why i always try to justify what others are doing to me! imagine feeling deceived and then letting yourself still be exploited. what am i doing?

i hope i can resolve this. i must just try, for i know i can be unpleasant… really… and some people just don’t know it by hearsay, they’ve experienced it. it is sad that sometimes i have to resort to those kinds of things but sometimes it is called by the situation.

Part I : Memories of a Year Past

(March 2003) Last school year was probably the most stressful school year I have ever been through. To start, I did not even enjoy pre-graduation nor graduation periods because of the seemingly hasty occurrence of… well… everything! After that, I got little time to relax during the holy week and then the “very” fast paced life once again of a tourist-vacationer beset me during our trip to the U.S. (continued below \/)

I don�t seem busy here, do I? Hehehe, a few days spent mowing my uncle�s lawn and trimming the hedges did not help losing any pounds. (continued below \/)
 

to make a looong story short, we drove for 2 days to all the way to florida (we came from New Jersey of course) and stayed there for a good week (I think??). the most satisfying experience for me though was finally seeing the Smithsonian Institution! It�s a scientist�s fantasy of course. And the National Museum of Natural History (Part of the Smithsonian which is actually a collection of buildings along The Mall) is probably a biologist�s mecca! All my enjoyment ended of course upon our return to good damned �ol Islas Felipinas. My paternal grandma died (which prompted my mom to go home earlier than us), and worse, I have to start medschool hehehehe. Actually at that time I did not really feel that way, it is just now reminiscing that I realize that I should have forseen the suffering I was about the face. (The dark side of the force must have been clouding my senses) On my next blog I�ll talk about medschool�s first quarter. May all of my readers be blessed by the godess with everlasting fertility.
 

In Retrospect... a lot has happened before i have put this blog page up so in the next few posts i will be in retrospect mode, i'll tell you though when i've already caught up with the present :-)  

This summer's been really great, and one of the best joys i've had was it being spent with the women of my life, well... apart from my mom that is :-) Tina, Marge and I toured Ilocos Norte and Vigan, Ilocos Sur, and here we're infront of the UNESCO World Heritage Site, the St. Augstine Church in Paoay, Ilocos Norte.If you go close enough to the massive walls (all 6 feet thick) you'll see that its actually made of sea rocks! Corals and other rocks that can be found in the sea because of course the people back then would use the materials available to them so its not surprising to find a seastar skeleton there :-) 

in the beginning...

...there was nothing... except that, nothing is something too, and in that nothingness, a single spark ensued, she was ishtar, and ishtar being the godess bitch she is :) created lust and longing for people to feel. blessed be her virginess as so i say in this blog's descrip. this is me the high priest to her temple and this is where all begin their journey to fertility :)